• Thomas Price

Hello Motherhood. Goodbye weak stomach.

There are several things that I thought I would never do before having a baby. Before having a baby all I had to see was someone dry reach and that was enough to make me gag. I couldn’t empty the soggy leftovers out of the sink without almost spewing, and bad smells made me say ‘ew’. It even got to the point (please don’t judge me) that I thought I would throw up from skin-to-skin. If you don’t know what that is, it’s when the wrench the baby from inside you and throw it straight up onto your chest, no wiping, no washing, covered in you innards this fresh human is lying on top of your skin. I had a talking to by about 5 different disgusted midwives and I’m not sure at what point I agreed to it, but the moment I heard that first cry, I didn’t care.

Here’s the proof to show that I actually did it!

The other day I heard myself say three magical words – ‘it’s just poo’. We were out eating lunch when her fresh and smelly scent started to waft across the table so finished up to let the other people enjoy their lunch in clean air. Then, upon entering the car park realised the only horizontal surface to change a nappy on was the outside of the boot of our fully packed car. So we lay her flat across the boot which is when the games usually begin.

I don’t know how other people go changing nappies or dressing their baby but our baby has initiated some sort of race whereby the competition is to have pants on her before she dives off the side of change table (or boot in this case) and catch her mid-air. It’s a hoot. I digress. Somewhere in the middle of this barely-graceful-game was an incident that involved baby excrament being smeared across the back of the Yaris. I don’t know when it happened, but it happened. My poor husband said in disbelief ‘there’s poo on the car’, and without thinking I grabbed an extra baby wipe and wiped it off.

‘it’s just poo’. ‘human poo’ he replied.

Which made me wonder, if my response was ‘it’s JUST poo’ what would it have to be to be of any consequence to me now, to cause me to gag or say ‘ew’?

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