• Thomas Price

The Mum Checklist

Mums spend a lot of time at the park, so do nannies and grandparents but each of them have distinct differences. I always find it amusing when people mistake my parents to be my childrens’ parents (it happens more than you would believe). Granted my parents are young and good looking but there are certain tell tale signs that every mum of little children have, that starkly distinguish them from other fully functioning humans.

Here is a not so-comprehensive list (because frankly who has time to complete anything that they start these days- My baby is crying with my husband in the next room and my toddler is in her cot yelling ‘fire fire’ so she doesn’t have to go to bed) (there’s no fire, I checked).

1. Some form of dirt on their clothing. I appreciate that people continue to point out that I have unidentified mess on my clothing, but honestly I don’t know what it is, I don’t know how it got there or where it came from. All I know is, it wasn’t there when I put my clothes on in the morning.

2. A packet of wipes handy, at all times. This has been something I’ve really enjoyed since having children, the excuse to carry around ‘wet-ones’ as my grandma calls them. It’s so fun having portable cleaners on hand any time I feel like it. Realistically only 20% of their actual use is for what they’re designed for; Mostly I use them for wiping up the mess off my clothing as pointed out in the first dot point.

3. Messy cars – I blame the kids – I blame them for all of the half drunk coffee cups and bottles of water.

4. Wrinkles. I just zoomed in on a photo of myself, and then zoomed out quickly. My eyesight is still functioning at a level that makes that volume of under-eye-wrinkle not ok. The nannies at the park have no wrinkles, and perky faces. The grandparents have loads of wrinkles, and perky faces. The mums, well mostly you can’t see their wrinkles, cause if they’re anything like me, they’re wearing a pair of Nicole-Richie-from-the early-2000s sized sunnies and resting against a tree while secretly sleeping. Don’t judge.

5. The mum-bob as I like to call it. I did it today. Its the first change to my hair that I’ve done since year seven. (Actually I got a fringe cut 3 years ago – terrible terrible mistake). I did it, I took the plunge, with my heart in my throat, and got my matted mess of mum-rushed birds-nest lopped off. Ahh what a breath of fresh air. I knew I had to do it today (because Tom had man-flu and stayed home with the babies) while I ducked across the road with false courage to the local salon. Amazing salon, but now that I’ve told you it’s across the road I feel like I shouldn’t mention it’s name just incase I’ve got a cyber stalker. (The pretend world in my head is far more interesting than the real world and it’s probably only my mum who is reading this – Hi mum).

Sorry for all the tangents. I’m exhausted.

Here’s my hair.

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